I had my 35 week appointment today... I am actually 1 day away from being 35 weeks. My blood pressure is elevated (but not to the point of any major concern). Also, I am now only measuring 32 weeks. We are thinking her other measurements were off because of Jayda being breech and having her head shoved way up in my ribs :)
Dr. Goerish does not feel comfortable with me trying to deliver naturally at this point (neither do I) as Jayda is already stressed, breech, etc. And we both agreed a C-section is most definitly the safest way. That said, she no longer wants to wait until 37 weeks. Although Jayda's ultrasounds look fine now... she said that with placenta issues things can happen very quickly and at any time and the safest possible thing to do is get her out. Assuming of course that her lungs are developed. Because smaller babies are more distressed and have to work harder anyway... and because I had steroid shots... we are doing the amniocentesis next Tuesday (at exactly 36weeks) and if it comes back showing her lungs are developed enough.... miss Jayda will be greeting us on Thursday or Friday of next week.
Yes... I said next week.
I know... I'm freaking out just a little too.
But I feel really good about it. This has been a long pregnancy with many MANY complications and we are all thinking our sweet girl will simply fare better outside of me at this point.
Because she will be a preemie... and very small (even for a preemie) we need to expect that she will be in the hospital at least an extra week if not longer. There is a good chance I will not get to be with her right away and that she'll need to be in the nursery. We will most likely have to do syringe feedings etc. The good news is that as long as there is room at the hospital... I will be able to stay with her for as long as she is hospitalized... and as long as there are no severe complications we will get to stay in Mankato.
So... here is the gameplan.
Pray! Very hard and very often... for Jayda's lungs to develop, for her to grow, for the C-section to go well, for the hospital stay to be short, for peace, and for extra room at the hospital so I can stay with my baby and for anything and everything else that may be laid on your heart.
I'm writing this in a rush as we have to get to our Newborn Care Class tonight. I'm sure there are details I'm forgetting but for now... this should be the jist of it. I will still have an ultrasound on Tuesday and Friday this week and if anything is off we will deliver immediatly. I am done with appointments with Dr. Goerish as I'll see her Tuesday for our amnio and then Thursday or Friday for the C-section (we do not know the day yet because scheduling was booked up so I'll post when I know).
Thank you... as always for your love and your prayers...
Kayla
Monday, May 17, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Jayda Update
Hey everyone,
Just a quick update to say that miss Jayda did just fine on her ultrasound this morning. She is doing excellent at breathing which is really encouraging! She is however, sitting on a nerve in my back which is making it really difficult and quite painful to move around! So hopefully she scoots her little self off of it sometime in the very near future. ;)
I have another ultrasound on Friday and then my 35 week appointment on Monday with Dr. Goerish. We should be able to know a little bit more at that point about what she is thinking delivery wise.
Thanks for the continued prayers, love, and support!
Kayla
Just a quick update to say that miss Jayda did just fine on her ultrasound this morning. She is doing excellent at breathing which is really encouraging! She is however, sitting on a nerve in my back which is making it really difficult and quite painful to move around! So hopefully she scoots her little self off of it sometime in the very near future. ;)
I have another ultrasound on Friday and then my 35 week appointment on Monday with Dr. Goerish. We should be able to know a little bit more at that point about what she is thinking delivery wise.
Thanks for the continued prayers, love, and support!
Kayla
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
A perfect score!
The ultrasound went well this morning. They measured Jayda's practice breathing movements as well as her other movements and her heart rate. She scored 8 out of 8! Our sweet girl may be tiny but she is fiesty!
The tentative "plan" if Jayda continues to do well on her ultrasounds is to measure her growth again at 36weeks (because they can only make an estimate within a half pound this is the best way to know how she is actually growing). At 37 weeks I'll have the amnio and if her lungs are ready Miss Jayda should make her grand entrance the first week in June.
From the looks of everything I will have a C-section. This is not definite but because of my septated uterus, Jayda's breech position, and the fact that she is very small... right now this feels like the safest way to go. Although if Jayda starts to grow and turns herself head down... we may still try for a vaginal birth.
We got an adorable picture of our sweet girls face today (hopefully I'll get that up by early next week). We both think she looks like her auntie Kelsey :)
We're breathing a little easier knowing that although Jayda is small, everything else appears to be doing well. I had my 2nd steroid shot yesterday to help develop her lungs... hopefully it's just a precaution and she'll make it to 37 weeks!
Right now I'm just trying to rest up, take it easy, and find some preemie clothes for our tiny girl :)
Thank you for all the prayers, love, and support.
Kayla
The tentative "plan" if Jayda continues to do well on her ultrasounds is to measure her growth again at 36weeks (because they can only make an estimate within a half pound this is the best way to know how she is actually growing). At 37 weeks I'll have the amnio and if her lungs are ready Miss Jayda should make her grand entrance the first week in June.
From the looks of everything I will have a C-section. This is not definite but because of my septated uterus, Jayda's breech position, and the fact that she is very small... right now this feels like the safest way to go. Although if Jayda starts to grow and turns herself head down... we may still try for a vaginal birth.
We got an adorable picture of our sweet girls face today (hopefully I'll get that up by early next week). We both think she looks like her auntie Kelsey :)
We're breathing a little easier knowing that although Jayda is small, everything else appears to be doing well. I had my 2nd steroid shot yesterday to help develop her lungs... hopefully it's just a precaution and she'll make it to 37 weeks!
Right now I'm just trying to rest up, take it easy, and find some preemie clothes for our tiny girl :)
Thank you for all the prayers, love, and support.
Kayla
Thursday, May 6, 2010
A few more details...
In my shock and exhaustion yesterday I realized I forgot to mention a few important details.
The reason they think Jayda isn't growing well is because they believe my plancenta was damaged because I had such a large blood clot for so long. I'm not sure exactly why it is showing up now vs. before (possibly because this is when babies are supposed to be growing the most). Her main concern is that Jayda's nutrition doesn't decrease. As the placenta is also her oxygen supply they also want to monitor her heart and breathing very closely. Her other main concern was that Jayda's lungs are not developed... which is why I'm getting the steroid shots. If I can make it to 37 weeks they will do an amniocentesis and if her lungs are developed at that point... the plan is to get her out.
But really, right now, our only sure plan is waiting to see how she does.
There is really no way of knowing how well my placenta is working right now... just that it's obviously still functioning well enough to give Jayda enough oxygen.
That's why we'll have ultrasounds twice a week... they will very closly monitor all of those things to make sure our sweet girl is still doing okay in there.
I will do my best to update every Tuesday and Friday (and maybe posts inbetween for the sake of my sanity as we all know resting is not my specialty :)
Thanks for all the prayers and love sent our way! We are blessed to know each of you.
Kayla, Micaiah, and Jayda
The reason they think Jayda isn't growing well is because they believe my plancenta was damaged because I had such a large blood clot for so long. I'm not sure exactly why it is showing up now vs. before (possibly because this is when babies are supposed to be growing the most). Her main concern is that Jayda's nutrition doesn't decrease. As the placenta is also her oxygen supply they also want to monitor her heart and breathing very closely. Her other main concern was that Jayda's lungs are not developed... which is why I'm getting the steroid shots. If I can make it to 37 weeks they will do an amniocentesis and if her lungs are developed at that point... the plan is to get her out.
But really, right now, our only sure plan is waiting to see how she does.
There is really no way of knowing how well my placenta is working right now... just that it's obviously still functioning well enough to give Jayda enough oxygen.
That's why we'll have ultrasounds twice a week... they will very closly monitor all of those things to make sure our sweet girl is still doing okay in there.
I will do my best to update every Tuesday and Friday (and maybe posts inbetween for the sake of my sanity as we all know resting is not my specialty :)
Thanks for all the prayers and love sent our way! We are blessed to know each of you.
Kayla, Micaiah, and Jayda
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Jayda
I'm exhausted... and my head is spinning... and there are a million things I want to say.
But right now... I just want off. I want off this train that feels like it's going 200 hundred miles an hour. And I just want it to stop.
I had an ultrasound this morning and the results were alarming enough that my Dr. called me less than an hour later.
"Your daughter is not doing well. She is very small and is not getting what she needs. We will need to keep a very close eye on her from this point on. You need to come in for steroid shots immediatly to develop her lungs because there is a good chance we'll need to deliever her before they reach maturity. I want you to have ultrasounds twice a week and we will monitor her movements, breathing, and growth. If anything is off we will send you to the hospital and put you on monitors and deliver you if necessary. You need to be ready. My hope at this point is that we can get you to go another three of four weeks before taking her but if she doesn't grow it is safer for her to be born early than to stay inside of you."
Jayda is only three pounds.... very very small for a 33 weeker. All I could think about was how tiny that was...
She's too little to come yet... she isn't ready... I'm not ready.
I'm not ready to do this again... the ultrasounds and the waiting and the fear. I'm not ready for shots and monitors and a daugther that is much too small and not ready to breathe on her own.
Until the ultrasound we thought everything was fine. I was measuring a week ahead even... My blood pressure and weight were right on target. Everything looked wonderful until they took a look inside.
As we watched her suck her little fingers and kick her feet this morning I just marveled at my daughter. I wondered what color her hair would be and whose eyes she would have.... when we would get to meet her. Before they told me her weight I was even joking with the ultrasound tech that I was afraid she's be big because both Micaiah and I were 9 pounds.
I went back to Grace Refuge this afternoon and 5 little people laid their hands on my belly while Margy once again prayed for my baby. I'm telling you... you haven't experianced prayer until 3 year olds put their hands on you and pray for your baby to grow.
I came home with every intention to pack my bags and get things ready... instead I collapsed. I trust my Jesus. There was a time when we were simply prayed I'd be able to make it to twenty three weeks. There was a time when we never dreamed I'd be able to make it this far. And part of me feels like I should be grateful... But right now... this feels like too much to carry.... and I'm tired and I'm weary and I just want my daughter to be okay.
I have another shot of steroids tomorrow and an Ultrasound again on Friday. After that I will have ultrasounds every Tuesday and Friday as well as my appointments with Dr. Goerish. I'm not on stict bedrest but she wants me getting as much rest as possible and to take it easy. She said there is really no way of knowing when we will deliver her... and so again we walk it out day by day... waiting and praying.
unable to see what is ahead.
Again we covet your prayers... again we ask that you join us on your knees on behalf of our daughter.
Much Love,
Kayla
But right now... I just want off. I want off this train that feels like it's going 200 hundred miles an hour. And I just want it to stop.
I had an ultrasound this morning and the results were alarming enough that my Dr. called me less than an hour later.
"Your daughter is not doing well. She is very small and is not getting what she needs. We will need to keep a very close eye on her from this point on. You need to come in for steroid shots immediatly to develop her lungs because there is a good chance we'll need to deliever her before they reach maturity. I want you to have ultrasounds twice a week and we will monitor her movements, breathing, and growth. If anything is off we will send you to the hospital and put you on monitors and deliver you if necessary. You need to be ready. My hope at this point is that we can get you to go another three of four weeks before taking her but if she doesn't grow it is safer for her to be born early than to stay inside of you."
Jayda is only three pounds.... very very small for a 33 weeker. All I could think about was how tiny that was...
She's too little to come yet... she isn't ready... I'm not ready.
I'm not ready to do this again... the ultrasounds and the waiting and the fear. I'm not ready for shots and monitors and a daugther that is much too small and not ready to breathe on her own.
Until the ultrasound we thought everything was fine. I was measuring a week ahead even... My blood pressure and weight were right on target. Everything looked wonderful until they took a look inside.
As we watched her suck her little fingers and kick her feet this morning I just marveled at my daughter. I wondered what color her hair would be and whose eyes she would have.... when we would get to meet her. Before they told me her weight I was even joking with the ultrasound tech that I was afraid she's be big because both Micaiah and I were 9 pounds.
I went back to Grace Refuge this afternoon and 5 little people laid their hands on my belly while Margy once again prayed for my baby. I'm telling you... you haven't experianced prayer until 3 year olds put their hands on you and pray for your baby to grow.
I came home with every intention to pack my bags and get things ready... instead I collapsed. I trust my Jesus. There was a time when we were simply prayed I'd be able to make it to twenty three weeks. There was a time when we never dreamed I'd be able to make it this far. And part of me feels like I should be grateful... But right now... this feels like too much to carry.... and I'm tired and I'm weary and I just want my daughter to be okay.
I have another shot of steroids tomorrow and an Ultrasound again on Friday. After that I will have ultrasounds every Tuesday and Friday as well as my appointments with Dr. Goerish. I'm not on stict bedrest but she wants me getting as much rest as possible and to take it easy. She said there is really no way of knowing when we will deliver her... and so again we walk it out day by day... waiting and praying.
unable to see what is ahead.
Again we covet your prayers... again we ask that you join us on your knees on behalf of our daughter.
Much Love,
Kayla
Monday, April 26, 2010
Orange Hair, God, and Clorox
I used to be really good at rolling with the punches... not much of a planner by nature... definitely not one of those people who needed her whole life to be organized or color coded.
I was not a list maker, multi-tasker, or house cleaner.
Then I had six little kids running around all day... and if I did not perpetually follow them cleaning up... life wouldn't work. If I didn't plan and bring diapers and sippy cups and fishy crackers along at all times... I would most certainly live to regret it. If I didn't organize I would loose another pair of someone's socks or forget a feeding time. So, I learned... slowly... by the skin of my teeth (as it usually is when the Lord is trying to teach me a new skill) I learned.
Then I got pregnant, and some switch in my brain went into overdrive and I became a freakshow.
A clorox wipe obsessing, color coding, list making, organization loving, house cleaning, dinner making, planning way in advance, need to know the details... freakshow.
Maybe it was all the unexpected things in this pregnancy. Maybe it's just the momma coming out in me. Maybe I was this way all along and just fought it because I thought it would be more fun to roll with it and not have a plan.
Maybe it's simply that with each stage of life we change... We become more of who we truly are.... Maybe, at heart... I did always love clorox wipes and color coded closets and I'm just now realizing it :)
Or maybe, when life throws us a lot of the unexpected... we try to control the things we can.
So when the hairstylist turns our hair orange... we loose it.
Or when the house is trashed because of an insane schedule... we feel all out of wack.
So when the stack of unanswered mail piles up, the kids are screaming, and there is gum stuck to the floor of the van.... we can't handle it.
Because none of it was part of the plan. We wanted normal hair, a clean house, paid bills, kids who are well behaved, and a van that didn't smell like dirty diapers and have gum stuck to the carpet. By "we" here I really mean me.
See... there has been enough of the unexpected... so it's the little things... the small every day things that I just want predictable.
And all the time... I hear Him whisper... "just let it go...."
A year ago I thrived on the chaos and unpredictability of our lives... the messiness of Grace Refuge and what I did there... the kids and the fullness of our existence. I thrived on watching God show his face in unexpected ways each and every day.
And then both our jobs were gone, I was on bed rest, and we had no idea where we'd live... and I began to cling to what was predictable... safe... the little that did feel secure and normal. And although we now both have jobs again, we officially own our house and will not have to be worrying about where we'll live, and Jayda is doing fabulous and growing right on track... I find that I'm still clinging to all the little stuff.
Like the fact that the paint color in her room has to be perfect.
Or the fact that my hair has to be exactly how I want it... which, for the record... is not orange.
Or the fact that I like my van clean... even though that's simply impossible when five little people currently occupy the back seats.
Like the fact that I am starting to get really overwhelmed with being pregnant and am longing for my familiar body and familiar clothes and familiar emotions.
I knew something was slightly wrong with me when they told me Jayda was sideways (she is now breech) and said a C-section was a high possibility and I was actually relieved because I could plan for it...
I was relieved that I may have to have major surgery instead of have her naturally and I was relieved because I could "plan" for it.... for the birth... the pain... the afterward... I would know when it was going to happen... and that felt safe for me.
I mean... seriously... have I gone mad?
I'll probably bring my chlorox wipes and ask them if I can get my hands on the recovery room beforehand. You know... color code things a little bit.
And the voice repeats...
"Let it go..."
"So what if you have orange hair and the van is trashed and the kids are screaming at each other? So what if the dog made the floor a muddy mess and your insurance accidentally dropped your coverage and you now have tons of bills headed your way to made heads or tails of? Is it really worth loosing your joy? Your heart? Your cool? I healed your baby... gave you a home... and provided for you when you had no idea if you were going to make it and you're worried about your color coded closet and your orange hair? Don't you think I've got this... all of this... too?"
And then I breathe... I put the clorox wipes away... and I realize...
He knows how Jayda is going to come into this world.
He knows that there is gum stuck to the floor of the van.
He knows I hate my orange hair.
He knows I'm about to fall apart because of muddy paw prints, extra work hours, and the large portion of my closet that is currently laying on our bedroom floor.
He knows that even though my baby is okay... I still worry when she doesn't move for a few hours... I still hold my breath a little before every appointment... He knows that every day... there is still that little part of my heart that can't help but wonder if something might go wrong.
But more than knowing... He cares.... about orange hair and clorox wipes and my mini van. He cares and he sees and even when the stupidest things overwhelm my silly shaky heart... He still speaks.
Maybe the point in all of this was to draw us out of a place of safety and into a place of reliance on the fact that He is good... even when we don't understand... even when we're afraid... even when things don't really go the way we wanted.
That He is a God of the daily messes... the things that aren't life altering but happen to be wrecking our morning... He is still Lord even we our attitude needs a serious adjustment and our tone could be far sweeter. He still speaks when we are stubborn and having a meltdown over gum.
And the sweetest thing about Him... He doesn't ask me to give up the clorox habit or leave my hair orange. Only that I remember what is big in this life... and what isn't.
Only that I hand over the big and the small, and trust that he knows how to handle it when I feel like I can't.
Maybe after this pregnancy is over I'll go back to being happy to roll with the punches... maybe the clorox and color coding are here to stay.
Either way, sometimes all we really need is to know He loves us either way.
Now... I'm off to schedule a hair appointment and resume my cleaning ;)
Much Love,
Kayla
I was not a list maker, multi-tasker, or house cleaner.
Then I had six little kids running around all day... and if I did not perpetually follow them cleaning up... life wouldn't work. If I didn't plan and bring diapers and sippy cups and fishy crackers along at all times... I would most certainly live to regret it. If I didn't organize I would loose another pair of someone's socks or forget a feeding time. So, I learned... slowly... by the skin of my teeth (as it usually is when the Lord is trying to teach me a new skill) I learned.
Then I got pregnant, and some switch in my brain went into overdrive and I became a freakshow.
A clorox wipe obsessing, color coding, list making, organization loving, house cleaning, dinner making, planning way in advance, need to know the details... freakshow.
Maybe it was all the unexpected things in this pregnancy. Maybe it's just the momma coming out in me. Maybe I was this way all along and just fought it because I thought it would be more fun to roll with it and not have a plan.
Maybe it's simply that with each stage of life we change... We become more of who we truly are.... Maybe, at heart... I did always love clorox wipes and color coded closets and I'm just now realizing it :)
Or maybe, when life throws us a lot of the unexpected... we try to control the things we can.
So when the hairstylist turns our hair orange... we loose it.
Or when the house is trashed because of an insane schedule... we feel all out of wack.
So when the stack of unanswered mail piles up, the kids are screaming, and there is gum stuck to the floor of the van.... we can't handle it.
Because none of it was part of the plan. We wanted normal hair, a clean house, paid bills, kids who are well behaved, and a van that didn't smell like dirty diapers and have gum stuck to the carpet. By "we" here I really mean me.
See... there has been enough of the unexpected... so it's the little things... the small every day things that I just want predictable.
And all the time... I hear Him whisper... "just let it go...."
A year ago I thrived on the chaos and unpredictability of our lives... the messiness of Grace Refuge and what I did there... the kids and the fullness of our existence. I thrived on watching God show his face in unexpected ways each and every day.
And then both our jobs were gone, I was on bed rest, and we had no idea where we'd live... and I began to cling to what was predictable... safe... the little that did feel secure and normal. And although we now both have jobs again, we officially own our house and will not have to be worrying about where we'll live, and Jayda is doing fabulous and growing right on track... I find that I'm still clinging to all the little stuff.
Like the fact that the paint color in her room has to be perfect.
Or the fact that my hair has to be exactly how I want it... which, for the record... is not orange.
Or the fact that I like my van clean... even though that's simply impossible when five little people currently occupy the back seats.
Like the fact that I am starting to get really overwhelmed with being pregnant and am longing for my familiar body and familiar clothes and familiar emotions.
I knew something was slightly wrong with me when they told me Jayda was sideways (she is now breech) and said a C-section was a high possibility and I was actually relieved because I could plan for it...
I was relieved that I may have to have major surgery instead of have her naturally and I was relieved because I could "plan" for it.... for the birth... the pain... the afterward... I would know when it was going to happen... and that felt safe for me.
I mean... seriously... have I gone mad?
I'll probably bring my chlorox wipes and ask them if I can get my hands on the recovery room beforehand. You know... color code things a little bit.
And the voice repeats...
"Let it go..."
"So what if you have orange hair and the van is trashed and the kids are screaming at each other? So what if the dog made the floor a muddy mess and your insurance accidentally dropped your coverage and you now have tons of bills headed your way to made heads or tails of? Is it really worth loosing your joy? Your heart? Your cool? I healed your baby... gave you a home... and provided for you when you had no idea if you were going to make it and you're worried about your color coded closet and your orange hair? Don't you think I've got this... all of this... too?"
And then I breathe... I put the clorox wipes away... and I realize...
He knows how Jayda is going to come into this world.
He knows that there is gum stuck to the floor of the van.
He knows I hate my orange hair.
He knows I'm about to fall apart because of muddy paw prints, extra work hours, and the large portion of my closet that is currently laying on our bedroom floor.
He knows that even though my baby is okay... I still worry when she doesn't move for a few hours... I still hold my breath a little before every appointment... He knows that every day... there is still that little part of my heart that can't help but wonder if something might go wrong.
But more than knowing... He cares.... about orange hair and clorox wipes and my mini van. He cares and he sees and even when the stupidest things overwhelm my silly shaky heart... He still speaks.
Maybe the point in all of this was to draw us out of a place of safety and into a place of reliance on the fact that He is good... even when we don't understand... even when we're afraid... even when things don't really go the way we wanted.
That He is a God of the daily messes... the things that aren't life altering but happen to be wrecking our morning... He is still Lord even we our attitude needs a serious adjustment and our tone could be far sweeter. He still speaks when we are stubborn and having a meltdown over gum.
And the sweetest thing about Him... He doesn't ask me to give up the clorox habit or leave my hair orange. Only that I remember what is big in this life... and what isn't.
Only that I hand over the big and the small, and trust that he knows how to handle it when I feel like I can't.
Maybe after this pregnancy is over I'll go back to being happy to roll with the punches... maybe the clorox and color coding are here to stay.
Either way, sometimes all we really need is to know He loves us either way.
Now... I'm off to schedule a hair appointment and resume my cleaning ;)
Much Love,
Kayla
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