Thursday, August 26, 2010

Story of our life...

I wake up on Sunday morning and he's already in work clothes before I can manage to roll out of bed... and he asks me where I want the pooh bear pictures hung... the ones I bought for the room we'll use for foster care.  And he arranges them and I approve and he smiles and goes to work. 

And I go to the kitchen to make waffles and realize that most men his age are sleeping in and playing video games at this stage of their lives.  And he's home with his wife and his baby and the pooh bear pictures and he's smiling about it...

And we met when he was eightteen and that night that I walked in I barely noticed him and he knew he'd marry me.  And he remembers what I was wearing and said his favorite thing about me was my smile... and I've always loved to smile. 

And he wrote me and I wrote back and he asked if he could call... and from that very first phone call we have not gone one night without talking to each other.  And he's never forgotten to call.
And it only took me a few weeks to fall for him but I told him I wasn't sure about this love and it was so soon and he was so sure and I was the girl who'd spent the last few years of her life traveling because I couldn't stay in one place.  And I told him I wasn't sure and he said I didn't need to be...

And four months later, at nineteen, he was kneeling in front of me with a ring.


And I remember that night because I felt like I was going to faint.  And he's always been so sure of himself and I've always been the kite flying in the wind...

And six months later I walked down that isle feeling more beautiful than I'd ever felt in my entire life...

And he was sure and steady... eyes locked to mine.


And I was a basketfull of nerves... praying I wouldn't throw up... until my daddy gave him my hand and then I'd never been more sure of anything in my life.  And this love it was real and this man... he was my gift.

And that night while the snow fell we stood in the candlelight with friends and family all around... and we couldn't stop smiling... And that night people told us they felt Jesus in our love.  And that night we promised forever and better or worse and sickness and health.  And when his dad pronounced us man and wife I think I might have screamed a little.

And we drove off into a blizzard to catch our flight to Paradise and spent the next week walking the beach and collecting sea shells and soaking in the sun.  And we dangled our feet off the pier into the ocean while we dreamed of what was to come. 

And we spent the next nine months figuring out life and how to do it together and I dropped out of college because all I really wanted was to raise our babies and my heart was already with the babies who desperatly needed a mommy.  And he told me it didn't matter if it didn't make sense and if dancing with babies was God's call on my life then who was he to stop it?

And nine months into marriage I told him I thought I might be pregnant about 2 seconds before the stick turned pink.  And sometimes the unexpected is a far greater blessing than what you feel prepared for.  And in those next nine months I carried her and we got to see what the "worse" part of the vows really meant.

And he held my hand and prayed as we drove to the emergency room scared we'd lost her... and he came to the Dr.'s appointments to help me make sense of it all.  And he worked and went to school and came home exhausted and took care of me when I wasn't allowed to stand long enough to make a sandwich.  And he painted every room of this house and worked long long nights to make it a home.  And he repainted the nursery for me when it wasn't quite right and he went with me to look at 65 differen't types of baby bedding...

And he smiled.

And that day he brought her to me pink and screaming and I touched her for the first time all 4 Ibs 13 ounces of her... was the second moment I'd never been more sure of anything in my life.

And I layed in bed last night fingers laced through his... face to her face... as the words he said to me a few days ago kept rolling over and over in my mind...

"more and more this is becomming my dream for my life..."

And I love him more and more because he hangs the pooh bear pictures and writes sweet extras on my paperwork and the way he kisses Jayda's face makes me melt... and the way he holds my hand at night makes me come undone.  And his ability to see God move and make His dreams our dreams moves me... and his desire to love me well... shows.

And we didn't think it would all come this quick... the marriage and the love and the babies and the mountains of cheerios and the smell of her hair...  And I didn't know when I met him that his love would teach me more about Jesus than I ever could have imagined.

And we don't fight much because we can't... and please don't read this and think we're perfect... and please don't think our life is a little painted fairytale because it isn't (and if you need a reminder of that just read my last post)...  And we've had our battles with this life... and we've cried and we've hurt each other and we've had days we wanted to give up on each other.  But we simply need each other too much.  This life... the way we're living it... requires too much of us together... for us to be without each other. 

And these days I put eye drops in his eyes at night while he lays on my lap because his eyes are so swollen from lack of sleep... and he gets up and makes the bottle for me when I've been up much of the night.  And we laugh hysterically at 3am when she smiles and laughs and wants to play with us... and she has his mischevious smile... and my big wide take-in-the-world eyes. 

And her sweet fingers wrapped around mine make me stop dead in my tracks and worship for the miracle she is... and late in the night when there is baby pee in my bed and she's up and ready to play I remember how deeply I am going to miss this.

And he said it well the other night... "This is all you have ever wanted.... enjoy it..."  And he said it with the deepest sincerity.  And I Do... and I am... and I'm learning... and I have so much left to learn.  And you could write the alphabet in the dust on my furniture and you could make a tower from the cheerios on the floor and please don't mind the ring around the toilet or the shredded magazine you just found in your shoe. 

And he doesn't mind that I never make the bed or that smiling with her is more important to me than what's for dinner.  And I love the way he calls us his girls and can't wait to teach her all he knows.

And along with the paintings and foam hearts on my cupboards is this:

"Do ordinary things with extraordinary love..." -Mother Teresa

And maybe we never imagined that all this would come so soon when we layed there with our feet dangling in the ocean.  And maybe the moment I walked into that room and he knew he was going to marry me he had no idea the chaos I'd bring into his life... And maybe when I walked down that isle praying I wouldn't throw up I had no idea how much I'd love him or how much I'd need him.  And maybe the day the stick turned pink we never could have imagined how we'd fall madly in love the instant we saw her.  And maybe the things you don't imagine are the things that become your greatest dreams...

And maybe in the cheerios and the dust and the smell of your babies hair and the strength of your husband's hand is where you find out that all you never imagined for your life are all the things that have made your life. 

And sometimes... He's found in the small places of our lives...

The pooh bear pictures and the way he smiles at me.

The days like today where you dance nose to nose with a toddler because the dishes can wait and it really isn't the end of the world that your bed smells like baby pee.  The days like today where you spend an hour watching your daughter sleep because there is nothing that seems more important.

And God hears "Amen" wherever we are... and sometimes the way we live life is more worship than a song could ever be... and sometimes a mother's tears are more beautiful to him than any hallelujah.

And the pooh bear pictures are hung and the mountain of paperwork is in a folder on top of my fridge and I talked with the worker last week.  And there is a syrup handprint on my dining room wall and Jayda is sleeping and the ring around the toilet is waiting...And I'm sure the "we never could have imagined..." is only just beginning. 

And I guess all I really wanted to say is that sometimes the things you never thought would be your life become your life... and sometimes the things you never expected become the things that make it worth living.  And when the babies grow up and the husband grows old maybe you'll look back and you'll see... these were the best days of your entire life.

I know for certain they are mine.  These days, really are all I ever wanted for my life.  And sometimes it doesn't look how I thought it would.  And sometimes that's hard and sometimes it's my very favorite part of this entire thing.

And I guess the point of all of this was simply to say that those words on my kitchen cupboard are to remind me of that there is nothing too ordinary that it doesn't give Him glory.  And that the best moments are the ones when we embrace the dream that is unexpected.  Maybe I'll just write his name in the dust so I remember never to forget that. 

Amen.  :)

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