Trust.

If I tried to tell the story of this house and all we have walked through recently to be able to live there... I would be typing for a good three hours. So I'll give you the short version of the last crazy month of our lives.

- We have an amazing God orchestrated night with Ted and Margy in which we agree to rent the home next to Grace Refuge and give it the TLC it needs.

- The home fails the rental inspection because they changed all of the codes in 2005 and basically any house built after that needs major renovations (ours would be to the tune of 40,000) to be rentable unless it is grandfathered in by an existing license.

- I go on a long ride in the van and bawl my eyes out. This part isn't important except for the fact that through lots of those tears I kept telling the Lord "I trust you... I do... I just don't see what you're doing."

-Ted and Margy come to us and agree to sell us the house on contract for deed. We are overjoyed and agree and spend the rest of the month finishing the renovations on the house and making it home.

-We spend the rainiest week of March moving ourselves in freezing cold weather with my van and Micaiah's jeep. We have just moved in the very last box and I am organizing cupboards when Ted comes in and tells us the bank just put a halt on the entire thing and will not allow the contract for deed to go through.

- I fall to the floor and sob... part from the sheer exhaustion of moving all week in the rain... partly because the situation now seems fairly hopeless and I can't imagine moving again. Micaiah at that very moment is finishing the very last room. I am mopping the last floor in ugly sweats... and crying (not in a pretty way...in a mascara running all down my face way)... with my big belly in the way and Micaiah and I have this crazy lifetime moment in the living room where he cups my face, kisses my forehead and tells me God is going to take care of us. I laugh and tell him that I know that but I'm going to continue crying for awhile.

- I go take a drive in the van again that afternoon and bawl my eyes out (this is a theme with my relationship with the Lord if you haven't picked up on that by now :) I tell Him again through broken sobs that I trust Him... even if he takes this house away.

-That night Micaiah and I spend our first night in the new house and can't sleep because of a thunder storm that rages outside (which feels oh so appropriate at this point). We laugh... oh do we laugh... and he tells me that as long as we're together we're going to be okay. We joke about living in a cardboard box.

-We pray... all of us... for God to perform a miracle.

-Ted and Margy start the process of trying to refinance their Home so that they can own ours free and clear and sell the home to us on contract for deed.

-They put in the paperwork and things look good.

-We sign the purchase agreement.

-We wait.

That's where we are... we are waiting. Patience and trusting Him with all we cannot possibly know, see, or control seems to be the theme of our life these days.

On January 2nd when we drove to the emergency room fearing the worst... we handed Him our daughter.

In the midst of the weeks on bed rest we learned to hand over our fears, our dreams, our hopes, and all that held us back from full reliance on Him.

In late February when my parents business closed leaving Micaiah without a job... we handed Him our bank accounts, our finances, our need for those things to make us feel secure... and we learned that He provides.

On March 10th when Ted came in and told us the bank had contested the entire thing... we handed Him the home we'd put our blood, sweat, and tears into.

In the midst of the last three months we've handed over many things that we were trying to make work on our own. A little over a month ago I wrote a post saying we felt like we could only see ten steps ahead. On March 10th it felt like the lights went out....

And we were left standing in the dark with just one thing....

That still small voice whispering "Do you still trust me?"

And through broken voices and falling tears... we said "yes."

We trust Him. We trust His heart even when we cannot see His hand. We trust His goodness even when it feels like things are falling down. And in these last three months we have walked in uncertain places... and we have stood in the dark. But the tears have only been surpassed by the love we've experienced. Our marriage is different because we've walked this road. Our love is more real because we've walked this road. Our dreams and hopes for our daughter are more real because of this road. We are better having walked this. Because we had no idea what it truly meant to trust until we could no longer see and felt as if we were walking blind. We had no idea what it was to stand together and weather the storm until we sat in that emergency room and feared for the life of our daughter. We didn't know how deeply we could love each other until everything else kind of turned upside down. We didn't know how we relied on each other until we lost much of what made us comfortable. We didn't know just how real He'd make Himself to us before this... before we went to Him in the middle of the night bringing our deepest fears and our greatest dreams before Him.

We are better for having walked this... all of this.

So as we watch and we wait once again for Him to move on our behalf... we no longer feel shaken or dismayed. We stand firmly in the place of blind trust. Because inside of Him... we will always be home.

Will you again join us and pray that as we watch and wait... He makes Himself known?

Much Love,
Kayla