When we began this whole ordeal we couldn't have dreamed what the last two months would bring. There is much I have not blogged about until this point because we were simply uncertain of where things would end up. I'll be honest... I would like to say I faithfully trusted the entire time... that I did not for one moment let myself freak out. But that wouldn't be entirely true.
Okay... for awhile it was about as far from that as possible.
In the month that I found out about the subchorionic hematoma in my uterus and was put on complete bed rest which eliminated over half our income... we also found out we'd need to find a new place to live, Micaiah would be loosing his job, and virtually much of what was certain in our lives seemed to disappear within a matter of two weeks.
And I had to lay on the couch... which didn't exactly help matters. I actually asked Dr. Goerish if there were anti anxiety meds I could take (I was partly kidding.... partly.) January was probably one of the most difficult months of my life in the way that I had absolutely no way of doing anything about our situation. My job was gone. Micaiah's was to be ending very soon. We needed to find a new place to live thus at least doubling our rent. Life as we'd known it was changing rapidly. And to say I was a little bit of a neurotic crazy person during that time would be putting it nicely.
I'll admit at times it felt like life was collapsing... and there was about a two or three day period where I came completely unglued and was a mess of tears and wondering why our beautiful little way of life had shifted so suddenly.
And then I woke up... and I realized something. Sometimes, when it feels like everything certain around you is crumbling you get this beautiful opportunity to let it change you. And after much prayer and many tearful conversations with God... I decided to go with it.
And trust Him for a house.
To trust Him for jobs.
To trust Him to provide for food and medical bills and all that we needed as we walked this road.
To trust Him to take care of my womb and my baby.
To trust Him with our lives and our dreams and all we hold dear.
Believing in what we cannot yet see seems to be the theme of 2010 for us.
As it has been for a few others. And we're realizing that when things in life get shaky and our plans fail... sometimes the most beautiful way He redeems it is by giving us people to walk alongside. People who are walking an equally uncertain road.
If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time you know about Grace Refuge. And as our lives were turned upside down... some interesting events were transpiring there as well. If I had the words to write the whole story I would. It begins with both Ted and Margy and Micaiah and I having events that made the future of things a little uncertain... and it ends with us praying together in an upstairs room of their house--both sides able to give something desperately needed. We left with a place to live... and they walked away with people willing to fill a need that was bigger than they were capable of filling alone. And I don't know exactly how it's all going to end up... what I do know is that we've entered into beautiful ministry together because that's where God led us.
Something incredibly wise was said in that room that night.
"It's like we can only see ten steps ahead... and God says... that's all you need to see."
So we're moving... to Grace Refuge (not the big house the one next door to the big house)... and the role we will play there is continually unfolding. Right now we're giving the next door house some much needed TLC :) I'll jump back in helping Margy with foster care and the kids as I'm able... and Micaiah will do "man things" where they are needed. And where it will go from there I don't know. What I do know is they have blessed us beyond measure by allowing us to come on board and live in the house next door.... and most importantly they have blessed us by their love and their faithful walks with the Lord.
In the time since that happened we have been wrapped up in this beautiful new way of life. We spend much of our time at the house painting and fixing and loving on it. And we have been blessed by people who have joined us washing floors, cleaning up cobwebs, painting, scraping, fixing, nailing, making trips to Home Depot, and the like. We have shared some beautiful fellowship with those who have come alongside us to make this house our home. Many things may still be uncertain... but one thing is not... the body of Christ is a beautiful thing and we have never known love like we have these last couple of months.
I am almost completely off of restriction. Tomorrow I start a CNA class which is something I've wanted to do for a long time. And I've been able to be part of PACT ministries a couple of days a week which has been incredible. Micaiah got a job at Home Depot. And sweet Jayda is growing and kicking like crazy :) And we continually watch as God takes care of us in ways that both surprise and delight us.
And we have moved from a place of accepting this season of our lives to being incredibly grateful for it. Yes... I said grateful. Grateful for the bedrest, for life turning upside down, for the chance to see God move in ways we otherwise wouldn't have.
Much love and gratitude,