Hope

**Warning I tend to get a little long winded. If you are here strictly for a medical update... just scroll to the bottom :)

As I sat in the waiting room today waiting to be called back for my ultrasound this beautiful peace just swept over me.... As I felt our sweet baby move around in my belly I found that I treasured the waiting. I didn't know what they were going to tell me or what they were going to see. So... for that moment I kind of relished in not knowing.

Our appointments today were long, and there was so much information to take in. Risks and percentages, opinions and medical terminology. My ultrasound technician Lorie was so sweet. She was very kind and told me she'd seen a few mommies with a subchorionic hematoma.

"Some of them go on to have full term deliveries and very happy endings. Plenty of them do... I always tell people to hope for the best."

I treasured each sweet moment watching the baby kick and move. At one point we both laughed because baby was waving right at us.

After the ultrasound I went on to see Dr. Goerish. Of course, we had many questions for her. What is the survival rate? What is the likelihood we will deliver a premature baby? Do we need to see a specialist? Is there a chance that my early pregnancy complications were because of this and it just went undetected? And so on.

She gently answered each question for us as best as she could. Yes, we are at risk for delivering a premature baby. There isn't exactly a survival rate... it very much depends on the case. She will refer us to a Perinatologist once I am twenty weeks who deals with high-risk pregnancies. Yes, this could have gone undetected early in my pregnancy which is why I had problems. She was kind and reassuring and incredibly understanding of our fears. She has personally called me quite a few times in my pregnancy and I can simply tell that she cares deeply about her patients. I cannot express in words how comforting it is to have Dr.'s who care in such a genuine way.

After that I went for lab work and then to cardiology.

In the last week I've been having some symptoms Dr. Goerish wants to check out. All of the suddenly my heart will pound and I'll get a terrible headache. I almost feel like I've taken some kind of stimulant. I get fidgety and shaky and sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. I told her I think it is just anxiety... she said it very well could be but that she wanted me on a heart monitor for the next 48 hours to make sure I'm not having any irregular rhythms. I'm not to worried... although our living room is beginning to look more and more like a hospital. I have the big straw mug from the hospital, balloons, flowers, and now sticky things all over my chest with a little portable monitor :) I must admit... the food around here is far superior to hospital food. Thanks to all of you!!!

There is a sweet peace that has lingered over our home that last couple of days. I'm finding it easier to rest and simply to wait. Yesterday, when I woke up... I just buried my head in the pillow and the Lord and I had a nice long heart to heart. I know we have very little control over this. I know that things could go either way. I know the risks and the success stories. I also know that we are really realizing what it means to have faith in what you cannot see. We know that the road ahead is long... and that there will be days when our hearts ache and days when we rejoice. We are simply so grateful so many of you have entered into this with us. I cannot tell you what it is like to feel covered in the prayers of so many. We are so grateful for each of you.


Here are the details of what we found out today as well as what we would ask that you pray for:

The next weeks are crucial. It is very important that I stay on strict bed rest as this can help significantly with bleeding and keeping things stable. Once I reach 20 weeks (I'm 17 weeks now) we will be referred to a Perinatologist who will work with Dr. Goerish on my case. We are at risk for having a premature baby... and the very earliest I could be delivered would be 23 weeks. Of course, our hope is to make it much, much longer. We don't have the full details of my ultrasound yet... at first glance it looks like things haven't changed much. The subchorionic hematoma is very close to my placenta(it almost looked attached on the ultrasound) which is not a good thing (the further away the better). Right now baby's heart rate and growth are right on target. I'm on a heart monitor for the next 48 hours to make sure everything is going well there. From now on I will have both weekly ultrasounds and weekly appointments to closely monitor everything.

Specifics you can pray for:

1. That whatever is going on with my heart will stop. Whether it is small anxiety attacks or irregular rhythms pray that my heart will beat perfectly.

2. That the clot would get smaller and not bigger (Dr. Goerish said it either gets bigger or smaller, they do not usually stay the same size)

3. That the baby would continue to grow unhindered and the placenta would stay securely attached to the wall of my uterus.

4. That God would continue to provide. We have seen His hand in so many ways.

5. Most importantly, pray that we would give Him praise with our lives and make known His love as we walk this out. We are deeply humbled that he would use our situation to bring so many to their knees.

We cling to the Hope that does not change and the peace that defies our situation.

Much Much Love,
Kayla