I wake up often in the night these days. I've always liked the night. The darkness, stillness, the quiet of it. And often when I lye there I think of these beautiful words
"Your protector will not slumber." (Ps. 121)
He doesn't sleep... my Jesus. And when night comes and closes in and I lye awake it's nice to know I'm not alone. I lye awake with the One whose loved me all my life. And faithful and true, that love has carried me. Through every dark night, every fear, every moment that love has held on. Because of that love I've never been the same.
In Job it says that God gives us songs in the night.. (Job 35:10) He would be... the God who gives songs even in the darkest of night. The God whose love is more real than the fear. The one who holds your tears in a bottle. Here's the thing about me... I really believe it. Every word of it. I believe he speaks through burning bushes and sends manna from heaven. I believe in the God who parts the water and the Jesus whose very touch could heal. I believe He gives songs in the night and keeps every single one of my tears in a bottle.
I've had many conversations with many of those I dearly love in the last two weeks. Those who believe it.. and those who don't. Those that are scared for us, those who care, those who have walked a similar road with their own children. People who have asked questions about survival chances and told us how awful it is that we are going through this. And we are so grateful for the love and the mercy of so many.
But the word awful doesn't really seem to fit.
One of the songs He's brought in the middle of the night is the one that talks about His love being like a hurricane (How He Loves). At first thought... I know, hurricanes are violent and scary... overpowering and consuming. Hurricanes and unpredictable and turn lives upside down. But same song, every night...same words that play over and over in my heart. "He loves like a hurricane."
On second thought. Scary, unpredictable, overpowering and consuming just might fit. His love is consuming even in the dark of night. It is unpredictable and has wrapped itself around me in the most uncertain times I have ever faced. When I am a mess of fear... His hurricane love overpowers... takes over... I have known what it is to be quieted with His love. Every moment of every day that I lye here... I have known. The songs in the night... they overwhelm me... and I bend beneath His incredible mercy... the weight of glory. The only thing greater than my fear... His affection for me.
Awful isn't the word.... because this fear... this pain.. this not knowing is eclipsed by the depth of His love and the songs that come in the night. Because, you see, He redeems even the most difficult roads... I've seen Him do it. A sweet friend of mine who knows deeply what it is to fear for the life of your child wrote me this last night.
"I don't know what will happen in all this, but it is actually a SWEET time to be held by God... Don't hold back."
I like that word much better.... sweet.
A sweet time to be held, to let Him give songs in the night, to spend time with my Jesus who does not slumber... to let Him overpower my fear with His violent love. And I don't want to hold back. She's right, my friend. We don't know what will happen in all this. We never really know. But to be overwhelmed by love from the Jesus who does not sleep... that is sweet... my goodness is that sweet. To know he treasures with me every kick and move right along with me...
He really does quiet with His love. My spirit knows that to be true. He holds my fragile heart. As my sweet friend also said... "It only gets scary if you don't let go of the steering wheel..."
Because His love... it's like a hurricane.
And this time... uncertain as it may be... is becoming oh so sweet.
Oh sweet Jesus... thank you for redeeming the uncertain road we travel... there is not one moment in all of this that you have missed.
Because your Love... it's like a hurricane.
Much Love, Faith, and Hope,